I wanna live somewhere else. And i think i deserve it. Better, fresh start. Because soon i'll become a fucking horrible person with my humanity off. Now i kinda care. But at that moment, the moment when everything will break into tiny little pieces.. I know my hopes and expectations will be locked and buried down deep inside my heart. Yeah. I still have hopes. Funny, isn't it? I'm such a stupid person, who loves being rational and yet, there's no chance that i'll get what i want. I can crush others dreams and faith easily. But what about mines? why? why did it happen to me? i guess. I never lost hope, since i found it. AND IT DRIVES ME MAD!
Yesterday was fucking awful.Just.. It's been ages since i felt something like this. I was shaking, literally. For about 30 mins, i couldn't control myself, i was so fucking nervous that i could tear someone apart, rip their head off. And it drives me crazy, i need to take pills so sometimes it helps me to sleep or just to keep my.. sanity. I'm ball of disappointed, angry, sad, depressed mixture of feelings.

The main thing is that i'm strong. I have been able to handle it before. But now, either feelings are ripping my heart out or i became weak. In both cases, i'll become very fierced. It's because. I don't see any point of being good.

Actually.
I don't see any point of living. It kills me.

who am i?

Once one accepts the original outcome and stops trying to run from it, the loop will stop. Reality. It guides you toward accepting your fate, instead of relying on someone to change it. If you stop what you're doing right now, you'd end up stopping the loop. Watching other i understood how one must learn from the past and accept one's fate and move on.
Realising this.. i didn't help anyone else. Why? You remind me. You think.. by acquiring all there is, you can accomplish whatever you want. You make yourself believe, that you can't fail, and lie to yourself.

I stopped listening to anyone else.
I stopped trusting anyone.
In your case, you are so deluded, that you think all these powers are yours and yours alone.
I empathize with you. You can neither forgive yourself nor accept yourself for what you truly are.

But i know. What you're doing is certainly wrong. But you're not completely to blame for not being able to realize that.
My chance has passed, but you can still forgive yourself.

Because.. Sometimes two who seem to be opposites are actually two sides of the same coin. We can only succeed when we work together. Like you and me. Look at you and find in yourself what I was unable to find in myself.


If you want to exit this loop.. Examine your mistakes.

After all. I still have no regrets.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFIX2G2oSSU